The Closet Moderate: What Condition Our Condition Is In

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

What Condition Our Condition Is In

In tonight's State of the Union address, Barack Obama will:
  • Admit that Evan Bayh is his least favorite Senator, with a saucy wink at Joe Lieberman.

  • Admonish the GOP for their unfair besmirching of America's oldest sport: the pie-eating contest.

  • Announce a three year brain freeze, and then demonstrate his ability to lead the country by eating an entire crate of Flavor Ice.

  • Stand around awkwardly waiting for people to stop applauding.

  • Revive his flagging agenda by announcing plans to revive human-animal hybrids, pack the Senate with them.*
Be here for every exciting moment!



*Line borrowed w/o permission from Chris Lehmann.

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