The Closet Moderate: October 2009

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

The Rocket/Condom Convergance

The Future of Rocket Technology:

The Future of Condom Technology:


Potential for Deep-Impact-based porn flick, featuring giant space vulva that threatens Earth? Off the charts. Tagline: "Seriously, Capt. Spurgeon*, use a rubber."

*Actual name of Robert Duvall's role in Deep Impact.


Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Fuck Joe Lieberman 2: This Time, For Real

In the wake of Joe Lieberman's latest knives-out-in-the-Senate moment, I'd like to take a moment to link to a classic Statler rant from late '08, "Fuck Joe Lieberman."

If you haven't heard, Joe, ably voiced by the insurance lobby in this episode, said today that he'd join a GOP filibuster on the healthcare bill if it included any sort of public option. In other words, Joe, in search of political relevance, has combined his two previous feats (McCain-related betrayal of Democratic Party, putting his finger in Harry Reid's eye) into a single showstopper.

Tim Fernholz at TAPPED has a great take on Joe's Judas moment, entitled "At Least Pretend To Know What You're Talking About, Lieberman."

On the more applicable life-lesson front, I'll just say that when you let schmucks push you around, they keep pushing you around. Half of Reid's constituents think he's weak, and 84% of his base favors a public option. Now might be the time to grow a pair and let 'em drop, Harry.

Plus, nobody likes getting pushed around by Joe Lieberman. Seriously, fuck that guy.


Wednesday, October 21, 2009

On Language

to screw the pooch (v)

1. to screw up; to fail in dramatic and ignominious fashion

I'm kind of fascinated by this phrase, because it's both so evocative and almost completely without stigma. The motivating idea is that you've gone so wrong while executing a fairly basic human activity that you're earnestly humping away at the family dog. You'd think a casual mention of bestiality in public would provoke a great deal of shock, but it's almost quaint, the sort of thing you could drop into a conversation with grandma.


"Wow, Jim, you really screwed the pooch in that Raytheon meeting."


"Jim, let me explain your performance in that Raytheon meeting with a quick visual analogy: what I was expecting was a crisp Powerpoint presentation. What I got was an eyeful of your dick as you used it to violate a canine, repeatedly."