The Closet Moderate: Important New York Yankees Baseball Update:

Friday, May 08, 2009

Important New York Yankees Baseball Update:

State of the Yankees, 05/08/09:

Mark Teixeira (1B): .198 Batting Average
Robinson Cano (2B): Slumping
Derek Jeter (SS): Underperforming.
Handsome Cody Ransom (3B): Sucks. DL.
Angel Berroa (3B): Sucks.
Alex Rodriguez (3B): Scandal Ridden, Future Suckage Anticipated.
Jorge Posada (C): DL
Jose Molina (C): DL
Francisco Cervelli (C): Called Up from AA Ball Because Everybody Else Is Dead. Probably Sucks.
Xavier Nady (OF): DL [Missing Elbow]
Nick Swisher (OF): Slumping
Johnny Damon (OF): .314 AVG, 7 HR, 20 RBI, 3 SB.
Hideki Matsui (OF): "Weather Knee" Able To Predict Rainouts.

Carston Charles "CC" Sabathia (SP): Proud Owner of a 4.85 ERA.
Joba Chamberlain (SP): Mom Arrested For Meth Dealing.
A.J. Burnett (SP): Can't Hold A 6 Run Lead.
Chien-Ming Wang (SP): 34.50 ERA, DL
Damaso Marte (RP): DL
Mariano Rivera (RP): DL
Phil Coke (RP): Moving From Suck To Blow
Edwar Ramirez (RP): "Just Like The NY Giants: No D."
Mark Melancon (RP): Recovering (Tommy) John.
Brett Tomko (RP): Who?

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