The Closet Moderate: Good News, Everybody!

Monday, December 08, 2008

Good News, Everybody!

This is your semi-regular panic-inducing news update:

Terrorists set a bunch of stuff on fire in Mumbai (or, if you're an English alcoholic and all-around jackhole like Christopher Hitchens, "Bombay") and shot a bunch of people. Said assholes may be a splinter group of group of assholes (Lashkar-e-Taiba, Urdu for "Group of Assholes") that were sketchily supported by Pakistan's ISI. So now we've got one nuclear state thirsting for the blood of another nuclear state, which is awesome if you love having your dress pattern tattooed on your back via nuclear blast.

The total ratfucking of the US economy continues apace. Even Playboy is feeling the crunch and when our titty magazine industry founders, America is imperiled. Relatedly, major homeless person bedding distributor the Tribune Company declares bankruptcy under the weight of a astonishing 13 gigabucks of debt. Apparently, being helmed by an evil Patrick Stewart doesn't make you recession proof. Fortunately, the shitbox-on-wheels industry looks likely to stagger on, having persuaded Congress to give them money with the cunning argument "we make shitty cars, give us money or we'll fuck the entire state of Michigan into the ground."

The Israeli/Palestinian conflict may be heating up, planes are falling from the sky, piracy is on the rise, Al-Qaeda may have just taken over Somalia, the Taliban is apparently choking Karzai out with its bare metaphorical hands, my old thesis advisor is apparently rehabilitated enough to get some page-space (in all fairness, he actually knows what he's talking about this time), Stephanopolous impies that Dennis Kucinich either is a poseur or likes rough sex, and women are cutting babies out of themselves to give birth before they lose their healthcare.

THE END IS EXTREMELY FUCKING NIGH.

Don't worry though, we have a tag for all this shit.

1 comment:

Silent Cal said...

A day reading blogs can convince anyone that times are hard; a week, and you'll think the sky is falling; a month, and it's fucking Armageddon (or "Tel Megiddo" if you must insist on using the local names for everything from Wien to Hà Nội).

But there's still good news out there: shouldn't my leftist fellow bloggards be celebrating Obama as the Second Coming by now (or the First Coming, for my Jewish fellow bloggards)? Rejoice, be glad, the Chosen One, peace be upon him, is just weeks away from his coronation! Praise him with great praise! Leave the doom and gloom to rightists like me!