The Closet Moderate: Thought for the Day:

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Thought for the Day:

Fuck Chuck Klosterman.

Dear Chuck,

About GNR: if you like GNR, when you hear an awesome GNR song, you don't immediately shove three fingers up your butt and use your other hand to write a long-winded review of the album. Acceptable alternatives to the Klosterfuck?

1. Drink Heavily
2. Air Guitar
3. Uh, Drink Heavily?

(If you must meta-appreciate, play Sweet Child of Mine on Guitar Hero or watch Heavy Metal Parking Lot. Work in #1-3 as circumstances permit.)

If Axl Rose is who you say he is, I hope the two of you meet in a dark alley someday and engage in a loving 69 of forward-looking musical/critical insecurity. Maybe have John Woo nearby to release some pigeons at the moment of climax. You know, for gravitas.

Chuck Klosterman: History's Greatest Monster?

"At this juncture in history, rocking is not enough."



Herodotus said...

I've yet to hear any tracks from Chinese Democracy, but Paradise City still makes me want to bang my head 20 years after I listened to it for the first time.

Say what you want about Chuck, but GnR was the shit back in the day. They emerged in a time when make-up wearing, hair-teasing glam rock bands dominated the rock genre and gave us one of the best rock albums of all time, Appetite for Destruction.

Statler said...

Yes, I agree with you 100%. I am in no way impugning the awesomeness of GNR. I spent many an hour on the bus rocking out to Appetite for Destruction. I still have a warm place in my heart for Slash and Axl.

What I have a problem with is the way Klosterman removes all the immediacy from the music. Instead of finding out whether the album "rocks" or "does not rock" we get this long ramble about how he's trying to treat the album the way Axl would want it to be treated/trying to get into Axl's head.

You know what? I could give a fuck. I don't give two shits about Axl's process. I don't want to maintain any ironic or cerebral distance from a GNR album.

The only thing I want to know is whether this album will take me back to a time in my life when I thought the words "Captain America's been torn apart / Now he's a court jester with a broken heart." were the height of lyrical brilliance.