The Closet Moderate: For godsakes, stop touching your heads!

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

For godsakes, stop touching your heads!

People have come up with many reasons for the economic catastrophe of late: poor government oversight, greedy investors, deceitful home buyers, wrath of God. But I have another theory - excessive head-touching by stock traders. I submit for your consideration:

I think we need to act quickly here and require that all traders to keep their hands and arms below their shoulders at all times. Perhaps a hands-in-pockets policy might be prudent for the rest of the week. Alternatively, we could insist that all traders smile, cheer and pump their fists, which seems to cause dramatic upswings in the relevant stock indices.


Waldorf said...

I ... understand. Correlation ... causation ... they are ... THE SAME.

Herodotus said...

Maybe they are just taking their jobs VERY SERIOUSLY.

Silent Cal said...

Maybe if they touch their cocks it will be a bull market. Happy days are here again! I'll get it started.

Anonymous said...

The touching of the face and neck is a self-soothing gesture that is instinctual.

Fake Steve Hawking said...

There are many things that we do that are self-soothing that should not be done on the floor of the NYSE - take silent cal's suggestion, for example.

If I could post a pic here, I would show you a brave man who is featured on the front page of the BBC prying his hand away from his face in order to stop the madness ( You, sir, are an American, nay, an international hero.